I will not be selfish

Its hard to believe a year ago I was happily married. Sometimes I play the "what if" game. What if we had moved, what if I lost weight, what if I was more adventurous in the bedroom. Its hard. I work in the pharmacy in Raymond and a gentleman came who is a relative, and he was telling me how he and his wife were celebrating 55 years of marriage. He went on to say that he loved his wife more now than in the beginning. He asked me how long I had been married for (he didn't know about the separation), I told him 22 years. He asked me if I loved him more now then in the beginning, thats when I told him about our separation. He got tears in his eyes and gave me a hug.  I'm so sorry he said, me too I said back. We both wiped our eyes and he left.

 When I think of my mom in her hospital room and my dad sitting by her bedside, he wouldn't leave her side. I won't have that. I won't have the chance to sit by my spouses bedside or he by mine. It made me sad, and mad! How dare he take away my happily ever after, because he felt like I wasn't giving him what he felt he needed and deserved! He didn't think about how his decision would affect his children, parents, friends, extended family, and me. It was a selfish decision. He was thinking only of himself! Why was it so easy for him to throw away 22 years of marriage, but yet when comes to the business he was/is afraid to fire family members? One of the many things I've learned is that before I make a decision I will pray about it, I will talk to those who will be affected by my decision. I will not be selfish.