Divorce

First of all this is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. I hope that by me writing this and sharing my thoughts and feelings it might help someone. 

Divorce sucks! There is not another way of saying it. Losing my mom was hard, but my marriage ending was 100 times harder.  Dale and I were married for 22 years.  He was my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my everything. When my marriage ended all of that went away. I am lost. It's getting better everyday, but it's hard. It's really hard when you see family and friends happily married. That's when I have a pity party. That's when the what ifs come into play. 

Another reason why divorce is so hard is because in some ways I feel like I have lost my family. I'm talking about Dales family. Where do I fit in? Do I? When there is a reunion do I go? No I can't because Dale and Axinia will be there, but I've been a part of the family for 22 years. It's tough. I'm glad I'm moving the weekend of the reunion. My mind will be on that. Divorce sucks!

Divorce is hardest on the children. They are torn apart. If I live with mom then dad is sad, when I go to visit dad then mom is sad. Never talk smack about their dad.  He is their dad. He loves them. He may not love me anymore but he does love them. 

There are 5 reasons why I would do 22 years of marriage again even with the same outcome; Nicole, Ryan, Tyler, Max and Justin. 

Mothers Day

Tomorrow is going to be a tough Mothers Day, it will be my first without my sweet mom. I wish I had taken more time when she was here to thank her properly for all that she taught me, and for her example. You  think that your mom is always going to be there. Your mom is invincible. I don't know about you, but in my mind my mom could do anything. She was and will always be my hero.
 My mom taught me to love unconditionally. I was a bit of a brat in my early 20s. My mom loved me know matter what colour my hair was or what funky clothes I was wearing. My mom taught me to cook and bake. My mom taught me to serve others. My mom taught me to love the Gospel. My mom taught me listen when someone needed a listening ear. My mom taught me not to judge others, because you haven't walked in their shoes.
Mom loved her grandchildren and her great grandson so very much. She was proud of each and every one of them.
Mom loved her eternal companion.
Mom loved each one of her children.
I wish I had taken more time to thank my mom properly for everything she taught me.
I wish that tomorrow I could give my mom and great big hug and a kiss on her cheek and whisper in her ear Thank You for everything!
If you are lucky to have your mom here with you call her up, or do it in person if possible and thank her. You never know what is coming around the corner, don't miss the chance!

Mom I love you!

2013

Waiting for the Price is Right to start. 2013

Holding Jack for the first time.

2012

Ryans grad 2012

One of moms favourite spots with some of her favourite people.

With her big catch! 2012

Getting Healthy

I have decided that I needed to get healthy. I need to lose weight. And I need to do it for me. I know I'll never be 125 lbs again, but I need to lose weight. There are so many diets out there, how do you decide whats best for you? I believe when you want to lose weight and get healthy its a life change, it has to be. If I was to go on a diet that said no white flour or sugar and I loss weight, whats going to happen when you start to eat the white flour and sugar again? The weight is going to come back. Thats why it has to be a total life change. I'm one that if you tell me I can't have something I want it NOW! So, I'm going to cut back on my eating, I'm going to still enjoy eating, but I will eat less. I know that exercising is a big part of weight loss. Right now I'm doing Zumba two to three days a week. I love Zumba! Its super fun and boy do you get your heart rate up. I need to do something else, but I don't have a lot of money or time. So tomorrow morning I'm going to start walking to work in the morning. I figure if I walk to work in the morning and and then home for lunch I'm walking maybe a mile every day. I also know that getting enough sleep helps with losing weight. I need my beauty sleep! I don't have a scale to weigh on so I have no idea what I weigh, but I'm hoping that in know time my clothes will just get looser. I'll keep everyone posted on how I'm doing with my getting healthy.
Thanks to everyone who leaves posts. I love to read them. I feel your love and support and I thank you.

Elder Martin

I thought I would blog about my missionary. Elder Martin went into the MTC on August 7th 2013. He was called to serve in the Querataro Mexico mission. His visa for Mexico was late coming so when he left the MTC in September he went to the Boise Idaho mission. He received his Mexican visa the middle of October. I found out about that time that he had been having migraine headaches, he's had them before. His are stress related. So I wasn't surprised with what was happening at home and with the stress of learning another language.  They were bad enough that they postponed him leaving Boise so he could see a doctor and a counsellor. Finally after 2 months of not knowing what was going to happen the doctor, the  mission President and the missionary department in Salt Lake City decided that it would be better if Ryan didn't go to Mexico, but he couldn't stay in the States either. They extended a call to him to the Canada Vancouver Mission. He arrived there last Wednesday. He was picked up by the APs, one of which was Elder Brad Baker also from Raymond. He is serving in Burnaby and loves it. He said that he can't believe how many different ethnic backgrounds lived there. He said that he might use his spanish and maybe learn another language like chinese. I'm so glad that he serving his heavenly father. We have been blessed by him serving. I do miss him! Sometimes I find myself shedding tears, but I know that what he is doing is more important than anything he could be doing here.

I will not be selfish

Its hard to believe a year ago I was happily married. Sometimes I play the "what if" game. What if we had moved, what if I lost weight, what if I was more adventurous in the bedroom. Its hard. I work in the pharmacy in Raymond and a gentleman came who is a relative, and he was telling me how he and his wife were celebrating 55 years of marriage. He went on to say that he loved his wife more now than in the beginning. He asked me how long I had been married for (he didn't know about the separation), I told him 22 years. He asked me if I loved him more now then in the beginning, thats when I told him about our separation. He got tears in his eyes and gave me a hug.  I'm so sorry he said, me too I said back. We both wiped our eyes and he left.

 When I think of my mom in her hospital room and my dad sitting by her bedside, he wouldn't leave her side. I won't have that. I won't have the chance to sit by my spouses bedside or he by mine. It made me sad, and mad! How dare he take away my happily ever after, because he felt like I wasn't giving him what he felt he needed and deserved! He didn't think about how his decision would affect his children, parents, friends, extended family, and me. It was a selfish decision. He was thinking only of himself! Why was it so easy for him to throw away 22 years of marriage, but yet when comes to the business he was/is afraid to fire family members? One of the many things I've learned is that before I make a decision I will pray about it, I will talk to those who will be affected by my decision. I will not be selfish.

First Day

Well I survived my first day at the pharmacy or should I say the pharmacy survived me. I didn't know my brain could process so much information. I just hope that I still remember everything tomorrow. The ladies that are training me were so patient. On one transaction I forgot to put the decimal point in so the lady was suppose to get back $1.425.00. Wowser! Thank heavens it was an easy fix. Right now my brain is so tired I wish I could take my brain out and let it rest. I'm hoping that by the end of the week my brain will be use to all of the information and will retain it. I'm looking forward in learning more and getting to know the ladies I work with better. If you come in and see me be patient please!!!!

New Job

As some of you know I've been working at the high school as an EA here in Raymond since October. It was a full time substitute position. So I knew that when the EA was able to come back to work I would be out of a job. It happened quicker than I thought. On Tuesday my boys and I went to our pharmacy to get our flu shot. When it came to my turn the pharmacist (Wayne) asked me if I was looking for a job. I told him no because I was working at the high school. When I got back to the high school school the teacher (Becky) gave me the news that the EA was coming back early next week. I was sad and upset. I've loved working at the high school. The staff and the kids are awesome! When I got home from work I had to decide what to do. Do I take my chance of being on the schools sub list for an EA, or call about the job at the pharmacy. I prayed about and decided that since I'm the only bread winner in my home I had better call about the pharmacy job. I called Wayne and set up a time for an interview. I went yesterday and spoke to him. I got the job! I start Monday. It's 40 hrs a week (the school is 26.8 hrs). I do have to work every other Saturday :( but I get benefits! I'm so thankful for the watchful eye of my Heavenly Father. He knows what I need before I do. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve the blessings I've received these last few months. Through trials come blessings.