My Testimony

My Testimony

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We are also known as Mormons. I was lucky enough to be raised in the church. Through the years I have been taught by my parents and many, many other members about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. When did I gain my testimony? I don't remember. I just know that I have one. I know that my Heavenly Father hears my prayers and has answered many in my behalf and for my family. I remember praying for work. It was soon after my separation, I hadn't work outside of the home for 22 years. I had applied for a job through our school division. I was working casually, but that wasn't paying the bills. I kept praying that I would find something more permanent, thats when I got the job at the high school. It was full-time, but a temporary position. I knew that it could end at any time. I continued to pray for a permanent work. The day I found out my job at the high school was coming to an end I found a permanent job at the pharmacy where I work now. I know that Heavenly Father heard my prayers. I remember as a young married couple we struggled financially. Dale was attending school so we were living off of student loans, and his part time work. We had Nicole and expecting Ryan. Dale had received his pay check and we needed to pay our tithing. In the Church we are taught that everything we have is from our Heavenly Father.Therefore we are asked to give 10% of our income. Its voluntary and it's a teaching thats been around since the Old Tesament. So there we were, do we pay our tithing or do we not. We did. A few days after that Dale received money from a job he had completed months before. I knew that we had been blessed. As long as we paid an honest tithe we always seemed to have the money we needed. Before I started working full time it was hard to pay my tithing, in fact I didn't. I'm not proud of that decision, but I felt I couldn't. I had forgotten about the blessings we had received in the past. So for two years I only paid it off and on. This last November I wanted to get my Temple recommend. One of the questions they ask is if you are a full tithe payer. I could have lied, but I would have been lying to my Bishop, myself and my Heavenly Father. I was honest. I was given council from my Bishop to start to pay my tithing. So I did that very month. Do you know what happened? My family and I were blessed. I was given a raise the very next month and I also received a cheque from the government for child tax. I haven't received a cheque for child tax in years. I have now been paying my tithing for a few months and I always seem to have money to get me through the month. I know that we have been blessed because of paying tithing. I have a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I cannot deny the Gospel. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that Jesus Christ suffered in Gethsemene and on the Cross for me. Through his suffering he took upon himself all of our pains, and sins. All we have to do is to turn to him. He will help us. We have the Atonement because of him. I know that no matter what I do in my life that I can count on my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They are always there for me. The only thing I need to do is talk to them. lds.org

Choices

I have survived! I really didn't know if I would but I did! A year ago is when my world collapsed. I still remember the sinking feeling I felt in my stomach when I read the letters and saw the photos of them. NO! This is not happening to me, this is not happening to my family! We will not be one of the statistics!!! I remember falling to my knees and crying out WHY?  I prayed and cried for a long time. What did I do wrong? I couldn't bring myself to call him that night. I thought about driving to Calgary and confronting him, but why? I had read the letters and saw the photos. He had made his choice and it wasn't me. In my mind I was no longer pretty enough, skinny enough, or sexually enough. Thats how I felt that night and for a while after, but not anymore.

This past year has taught me that it didn't have anything to do with me. It had to do with Satan. He wants families to fall apart, he wants individuals to second guess their worthiness. He will try anything and everything to break us. "Satan is working overtime to attack the family. He tells us that marriage is not important, that children do not need a father and a mother, and that strong families are not important. He tells us that moral values are old-fashioned and silly. When challenges come, Satan tells us to abandon our beliefs and go with the ways of the world. He entices us with fame and fortune and tells us where to find the easy life. He attacks our faith in God and tries to discourage even the strongest and most loving families. Satan is delighted when we give in-even just a little" (Barbara Thompson General Conference 2007). What can we do to strengthen our families and ourselves? We've been told over and over. We need to have family and individual prayers, have fhe, reading our scriptures, attend our meetings, attend the temple, pay our tithing.  When we aren't doing our part, when we let things slide, Satan starts working his way in little by little. We do have our free agency. We get to decide to right from wrong. When we choose Satans path our families lose, we as individuals lose. Divorce happens and addictions occur. We need to protect our families and ourselves. We need to hold to the iron rod and not let go no matter what. We need to listen to our Church Leaders. I have grabbed a hold of the iron rod, sometimes my hands start slipping, but I hold even tighter, why? Because my family is worth it and I am worth it.

Divorce

First of all this is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings. I hope that by me writing this and sharing my thoughts and feelings it might help someone. 

Divorce sucks! There is not another way of saying it. Losing my mom was hard, but my marriage ending was 100 times harder.  Dale and I were married for 22 years.  He was my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my everything. When my marriage ended all of that went away. I am lost. It's getting better everyday, but it's hard. It's really hard when you see family and friends happily married. That's when I have a pity party. That's when the what ifs come into play. 

Another reason why divorce is so hard is because in some ways I feel like I have lost my family. I'm talking about Dales family. Where do I fit in? Do I? When there is a reunion do I go? No I can't because Dale and Axinia will be there, but I've been a part of the family for 22 years. It's tough. I'm glad I'm moving the weekend of the reunion. My mind will be on that. Divorce sucks!

Divorce is hardest on the children. They are torn apart. If I live with mom then dad is sad, when I go to visit dad then mom is sad. Never talk smack about their dad.  He is their dad. He loves them. He may not love me anymore but he does love them. 

There are 5 reasons why I would do 22 years of marriage again even with the same outcome; Nicole, Ryan, Tyler, Max and Justin. 

Mothers Day

Tomorrow is going to be a tough Mothers Day, it will be my first without my sweet mom. I wish I had taken more time when she was here to thank her properly for all that she taught me, and for her example. You  think that your mom is always going to be there. Your mom is invincible. I don't know about you, but in my mind my mom could do anything. She was and will always be my hero.
 My mom taught me to love unconditionally. I was a bit of a brat in my early 20s. My mom loved me know matter what colour my hair was or what funky clothes I was wearing. My mom taught me to cook and bake. My mom taught me to serve others. My mom taught me to love the Gospel. My mom taught me listen when someone needed a listening ear. My mom taught me not to judge others, because you haven't walked in their shoes.
Mom loved her grandchildren and her great grandson so very much. She was proud of each and every one of them.
Mom loved her eternal companion.
Mom loved each one of her children.
I wish I had taken more time to thank my mom properly for everything she taught me.
I wish that tomorrow I could give my mom and great big hug and a kiss on her cheek and whisper in her ear Thank You for everything!
If you are lucky to have your mom here with you call her up, or do it in person if possible and thank her. You never know what is coming around the corner, don't miss the chance!

Mom I love you!

2013

Waiting for the Price is Right to start. 2013

Holding Jack for the first time.

2012

Ryans grad 2012

One of moms favourite spots with some of her favourite people.

With her big catch! 2012

Getting Healthy

I have decided that I needed to get healthy. I need to lose weight. And I need to do it for me. I know I'll never be 125 lbs again, but I need to lose weight. There are so many diets out there, how do you decide whats best for you? I believe when you want to lose weight and get healthy its a life change, it has to be. If I was to go on a diet that said no white flour or sugar and I loss weight, whats going to happen when you start to eat the white flour and sugar again? The weight is going to come back. Thats why it has to be a total life change. I'm one that if you tell me I can't have something I want it NOW! So, I'm going to cut back on my eating, I'm going to still enjoy eating, but I will eat less. I know that exercising is a big part of weight loss. Right now I'm doing Zumba two to three days a week. I love Zumba! Its super fun and boy do you get your heart rate up. I need to do something else, but I don't have a lot of money or time. So tomorrow morning I'm going to start walking to work in the morning. I figure if I walk to work in the morning and and then home for lunch I'm walking maybe a mile every day. I also know that getting enough sleep helps with losing weight. I need my beauty sleep! I don't have a scale to weigh on so I have no idea what I weigh, but I'm hoping that in know time my clothes will just get looser. I'll keep everyone posted on how I'm doing with my getting healthy.
Thanks to everyone who leaves posts. I love to read them. I feel your love and support and I thank you.

Elder Martin

I thought I would blog about my missionary. Elder Martin went into the MTC on August 7th 2013. He was called to serve in the Querataro Mexico mission. His visa for Mexico was late coming so when he left the MTC in September he went to the Boise Idaho mission. He received his Mexican visa the middle of October. I found out about that time that he had been having migraine headaches, he's had them before. His are stress related. So I wasn't surprised with what was happening at home and with the stress of learning another language.  They were bad enough that they postponed him leaving Boise so he could see a doctor and a counsellor. Finally after 2 months of not knowing what was going to happen the doctor, the  mission President and the missionary department in Salt Lake City decided that it would be better if Ryan didn't go to Mexico, but he couldn't stay in the States either. They extended a call to him to the Canada Vancouver Mission. He arrived there last Wednesday. He was picked up by the APs, one of which was Elder Brad Baker also from Raymond. He is serving in Burnaby and loves it. He said that he can't believe how many different ethnic backgrounds lived there. He said that he might use his spanish and maybe learn another language like chinese. I'm so glad that he serving his heavenly father. We have been blessed by him serving. I do miss him! Sometimes I find myself shedding tears, but I know that what he is doing is more important than anything he could be doing here.

I will not be selfish

Its hard to believe a year ago I was happily married. Sometimes I play the "what if" game. What if we had moved, what if I lost weight, what if I was more adventurous in the bedroom. Its hard. I work in the pharmacy in Raymond and a gentleman came who is a relative, and he was telling me how he and his wife were celebrating 55 years of marriage. He went on to say that he loved his wife more now than in the beginning. He asked me how long I had been married for (he didn't know about the separation), I told him 22 years. He asked me if I loved him more now then in the beginning, thats when I told him about our separation. He got tears in his eyes and gave me a hug.  I'm so sorry he said, me too I said back. We both wiped our eyes and he left.

 When I think of my mom in her hospital room and my dad sitting by her bedside, he wouldn't leave her side. I won't have that. I won't have the chance to sit by my spouses bedside or he by mine. It made me sad, and mad! How dare he take away my happily ever after, because he felt like I wasn't giving him what he felt he needed and deserved! He didn't think about how his decision would affect his children, parents, friends, extended family, and me. It was a selfish decision. He was thinking only of himself! Why was it so easy for him to throw away 22 years of marriage, but yet when comes to the business he was/is afraid to fire family members? One of the many things I've learned is that before I make a decision I will pray about it, I will talk to those who will be affected by my decision. I will not be selfish.